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Glitter Bitches!
Glitter is evil. A year after the wife and I moved into our first home she invited a former roommate to visit. A day later we’re throwing a neighborhood bash in her honor. Beers are flowing. The grill...
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The Punishment
“That’s it! You’re not going to your sleepover at your friend’s house tonight!” It’s those few, short, simple words that have a tendency to come flying out of my mouth before registering in my brain....
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Death, Vaginas & Religion - Oh My!
Every year my father gives me a $50 gift certificate to The Fresh Market. He has one right near his house in North Carolina. But in Chicago, where I live, the closest one is an hour away. So, I decided...
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Grow The Hell Up Already!
The other day the wife and I stood up from a two-hour session of financial budget crunching and strategery to stretch, high five over renewed resolutions and try to ignore the suckness that is...
View ArticleMentoring To Earn The Man-Card
Over the weekend I found myself at one of three soccer games planned for that lovely day. As the daughter runs her little butt up and down the field, I talk manly-man stuff to another dad plopped next...
View ArticleI'm A Hypocrite Father
“I love you Grayson.” That’s what a little piece of yellow paper had written on it that the boy found under a book on his desk. My 9-year-old third grader had a little lady falling for his redheaded...
View ArticleParenting is Like Training for the Olympics
“Hey daddy?” “Yes son? I’m right here by the way. Right in front of you. In fact, besides the dog, I’m the only living creature who can communicate in English with you…right now…this very moment. So,...
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Embrace Your Boner, Brother!
Weeny bikini bathing suits are named that for a reason. And our dear, Olympic bronze-medal-clad American rower Henrik Rummel showed us exactly why. Those non-sexy suits are named that cause you can see...
View ArticleTo Lie or Not to Lie
Some kids are complete and total liars. They will blatantly look you in the face and tell you the most obvious lie. Like most kids, my daughter has just a smidge of that in her…but only when she’s...
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A Rookie Mistake
So, I screwed up. I made a very rookie parenting mistake. It’s the rookiest of all rookie parenting mistakes. I make the kids lunches every morning. It’s my minimal contribution to the day. So,...
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